What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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