if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
