Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
