I can text with my tongue
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
babies were throwing up all over the place
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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