make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Randomize
