we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Randomize
