No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
