I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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