I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
