More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
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