We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
