Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
