I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
