Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
