i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
