I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
