There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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