I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Boobs speak an international language.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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