I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
My pussy is not your playground.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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