Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
