Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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