that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
