Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
