I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
