can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Randomize
