so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
