I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
