last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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