have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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