i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
