I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
