so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
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