She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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