It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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