i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
