I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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