Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
