Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
