mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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