i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
