We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
