I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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