This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Randomize
