I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
