I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Randomize
