Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
