My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
