i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Randomize
