oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
