I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Randomize
