just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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