Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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