I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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