Everything about him screamed your future.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
You dont lie about slip and slides
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Randomize
