i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Randomize
