Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
