He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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