You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Randomize
