i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
