this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
